Torr humor i massor

Q: How do you play religious roulette?
A: You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets
struck by lightning first.


Q: What lies on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.


Q: What is orange and goes ”click, click?”
A: A ball point carrot.


Q: What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night?
A: Stay awake and wonder if there’s a dog.


Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A: ”The elephants are coming over the hill.”

Q: What did he say when saw them coming over the hill wearing
sunglasses?
A: Nothing, for he didn’t recognize them.


Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb
itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective
reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a
maudlin cosmos of nothingness.


Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is?
A: One per person.


Q: Why did the programmer call his mother long distance?
A: Because that was her name.


Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.


Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a
light bulb?

A: Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in
the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send
Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he’ll immediately claim
that he’s a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking
around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains
that he ”canna” see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at
the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb
from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something.
Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers
beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply
killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured.
As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand,
Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must
warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon
and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have
just saved the natives’ from an awful fate and, as a reward, been
given all light bulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted
and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.


Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.


Q: Why do ducks have big flat feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires.

Q: Why do elephants have big flat feet?
A: To stamp out flaming ducks.